I Rose and Fell
I posted, again. I really tend to be very inspired to write all of my feelings when I am down. Now, I begin with another post to let out all my feelings of disappointments and regrets.
I am not that willing to share this story to any people and let them learn of my weakness. But, I don't have any other way to write it down. It causes me to stay on the deem side when I am not able to share or write it down. Besides, nobody is trying to hear me out at this very moment. Then I think, this will be the best way to let it just all out. The story goes this way...
Going back to my memory of 7 years ago, I remember a person trying to reveal his true feelings towards me. But, what was really going wrong that time was the fact that I was not able to hear it out. Was I just really trying not to hear his feeling for me was. Or, I was not really able to hear it? I asked him, I tried to ask what his question back. I really did, but he was not willing to repeat it. I never thought that would affect my next 7 years in the future. The NOW. My ever PRESENT situation has been clearly out of equilibrium.
It started during my summer internship last May. As I had typed in the blog before this post. I was able to meet old friends and enjoy their company. But one was way came to be very special. My friend in the past 7 years came meeting me in my current life.
I didn't expect to be wounded in this battle of CRUSH. I am very centered in my goals in life. I believe I will be able to achieve them. But, when he came back, it was as if I was willing to open my heart again, to him. I believed I was jammed to him. I was taken by his kindness and him accompanying me during that time of vacation. Although it was short, it what I sensed to be special. I really believed and lured to the truth facing me. I was indeed falling in love again. And yet, I called it crush. My feelings weren't yet convinced. Up until yesterday.
Two days ago, I decided to tell my ka-barkada's my true feeling towards that person. My friends encouraged me to text him. I was reluctant, at first. But I did guess I will find that strength. Indeed, I found it and I was merely very happy with the fact he texted me back from each messages my friends sent him. I felt myself blushing and falling more further. Only to realize the next day what a stupid person I was.
I was texting with him from day, twilight and nightfall. But it ended there, because that night. I was able to ask him, a question that I didn't expect to have a concise answer. I asked him if he has a girlfriend. Believe it or not. He replied that he has and that they were already a month long in their mutual stage. He also told me, he loves her, and yet I continued texting and accepting the feeling of cursed pain inside. The end of conversation really pained me, to the fact he wants me to accompany his friend and be mutual with him, although he did not discover the fact of me, already falling for him.
Another lesson has been learned. I should not have been lured to this when it was true enough that I was focused on not having that love. I closed the door yet I was curious enough to try to have a peek that I was not able to realized I opened it. Big enough to let someone in. Big enough to have that someone touch things that have been kept private.
I am not that willing to share this story to any people and let them learn of my weakness. But, I don't have any other way to write it down. It causes me to stay on the deem side when I am not able to share or write it down. Besides, nobody is trying to hear me out at this very moment. Then I think, this will be the best way to let it just all out. The story goes this way...
Going back to my memory of 7 years ago, I remember a person trying to reveal his true feelings towards me. But, what was really going wrong that time was the fact that I was not able to hear it out. Was I just really trying not to hear his feeling for me was. Or, I was not really able to hear it? I asked him, I tried to ask what his question back. I really did, but he was not willing to repeat it. I never thought that would affect my next 7 years in the future. The NOW. My ever PRESENT situation has been clearly out of equilibrium.
It started during my summer internship last May. As I had typed in the blog before this post. I was able to meet old friends and enjoy their company. But one was way came to be very special. My friend in the past 7 years came meeting me in my current life.
I didn't expect to be wounded in this battle of CRUSH. I am very centered in my goals in life. I believe I will be able to achieve them. But, when he came back, it was as if I was willing to open my heart again, to him. I believed I was jammed to him. I was taken by his kindness and him accompanying me during that time of vacation. Although it was short, it what I sensed to be special. I really believed and lured to the truth facing me. I was indeed falling in love again. And yet, I called it crush. My feelings weren't yet convinced. Up until yesterday.
Two days ago, I decided to tell my ka-barkada's my true feeling towards that person. My friends encouraged me to text him. I was reluctant, at first. But I did guess I will find that strength. Indeed, I found it and I was merely very happy with the fact he texted me back from each messages my friends sent him. I felt myself blushing and falling more further. Only to realize the next day what a stupid person I was.
I was texting with him from day, twilight and nightfall. But it ended there, because that night. I was able to ask him, a question that I didn't expect to have a concise answer. I asked him if he has a girlfriend. Believe it or not. He replied that he has and that they were already a month long in their mutual stage. He also told me, he loves her, and yet I continued texting and accepting the feeling of cursed pain inside. The end of conversation really pained me, to the fact he wants me to accompany his friend and be mutual with him, although he did not discover the fact of me, already falling for him.
Another lesson has been learned. I should not have been lured to this when it was true enough that I was focused on not having that love. I closed the door yet I was curious enough to try to have a peek that I was not able to realized I opened it. Big enough to let someone in. Big enough to have that someone touch things that have been kept private.
posted by sphere13 at 4:30 AM
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