mAsakit peRo kAyA kO pA riN

I never have thought that you'd be here bothering my mind.. Sana nga, di na lang siguro kita nakilala.. At sana di rin ito nangyayari ngayon.. Hindi mo lang talaga alam kung gaano ito kasakit... Alam mo na rin naman na gusto kita pero hindi ko maintindihan.. Bakit mo ako ginaganito.. Siguro ay meron ka nang ipinalit sa akin, at siguro ay masyado na lang akong umaasa na magkakagusto ka sa isang pangit na tulad ko.. Ano pa nga ba ang magagawa ko? Ipaliwanag ang single thing na mahal kita.. Masakit dahil ang ginagamit mo pa ay ang kaibigan ko.. Pero tanggap ko kung siya nga talaga ang pipiliin mo kaysa sa akin.. Alam ko namang, hanggang asa nalang ako sayo, ang besides, i don't even deserve anything of you.. Masyado ka na sa taas, pinaliligiran ng mga babae.. To be exclusive, "magagandang mga babae". Alam ko naman na di mo ako iniisip, pero sana, ituloy mo nalang yang mga ginagawa mong pananakit.. Para sana, mawala na itong nararamdaman ko para sa iyo.. Alam kong parang baliw na ako sa mata nga iba dahil sa mga pinaggagagawa ko.. Alam ko ring parang bobo ako na nakatunganga nalang sa iyo... Then, bakit ko pa ito kailangan gawin.. Kaya naman kitang kalimutan kung gugustuhin ko, pero sadya nga talaga sigurong mas mabilis makalimot ang utak kaysa sa nararamdaman ng puso ko.. Sana ay binalewala mo nalang ako.. Sana di mo nalang ipinapakita sa akin, sana di mo nalang ipinaparamdam na tao ako.. Ibang klase ka talaga, hindi kita makalimutan, Pero alam ko, darating ang oras na makakalimutan na rin kita sa mga pinaggagagawa mo..

More than ouch is what I can say for now.. Of all the things I have discovered.. This is just a big bag in my back.. Kung ako lang mag-isa, iiyak na ako pero, alam ko, kapag umiyak ako.. Malalaman mo ang kahinaan ko.. Gusto ko nang itapon ang lahat ng chairs at tables kanina, pero dahil sa nakakaya ko pa rin ang sarili ko.. Alam ko, na-co-control ko pa ang lahat, lahat.. "Not even a single scratch".. Yan ang iniisip ko.. Dahil para sa ikasasaya mo.. I will give you up! I can give you up.. I won't push or pull you.. I won't control you.. Wala na akong ma-i-re-react pa sa mga pinaggagagawa mo.. Alam ko, na ikaw.. You can move on.. Dahil di mo rin naman nararamdaman ang kababawan nito.

'Tol, wag kang magsisisi sa mga ginagawa mo sa akin ngayon, do not think na lahat ng ginagawa mo, not even worth a scratch, kaya pinagtatawanan mo nalang, wag kang ganun, dahil isang araw.. Baka maramdaman mo rin ang mga ginagawa mo sa akin ngayon at too late na to say sorry.. I don't expect anything from you! I just want respect na galing sa puso mo.. Respect na kung makaya mong ibigay sa iba, ay kaya mo ring ipakita sa akin... Ayoko, ayoko ang nasasaktan at nagtitiis dahil masakit.. Pero nagpapakatanga pa rin ako.. Ganun na nga lang ba ako kaliit sa mata mo? Sabihin mo?

Wala Lang...

I am very sorry, and now, we are friends again... I didn't thought that everything will be this fast.. Really, friendship is more valuable from anything... I will not give up anything.. I love you and hoping that you'll love me too.. As your friend here, I will be true to you and wont dare betray you in everything you do.. I am happy that you are always there.. Here for me and same to you..

It has been days from now since you've forgiven me.. Forgot everything, but I know you cant just forget about it... But, still I am so glad we are back to friendship, that I thought it'll end up for our goodbyes.. I love you so much, as a friend, I wont give you up.. You and the others I love so well.. I wont dare forget all about the best things that had happened between us.. I cant resist anything... I am so just very glad for anything.. You are the different sauces in my life, that makes my life a special cuisine when eaten.. So glad I have met you guys! Mahal ko kayo! Ibang klase talaga kayo sa lahat! 

Is This It?

I am very sorry, I might not have understand what was wrong about what I am doing.. But, I thought that you came to understand me.. And now, the time I am scared of has arrived, a friend was now again leaving me.. Not, going far, but hating me of my bad attitude.. I might not have been your sweetdream, but a nightmare in your sleep.. But still, I wish that one day, you'll find a friend who can really understand you, accept you for who you are and doesn't reject you.. Happiness is what I wish for you, and for me, endless suffering for all of the things I've done.. Never thought that choosing friendship would give me this pain and agony.. But, I guess the time has come, to let me feel again, the same suffering I must undergo.. But, still I wont close any doors, I am just here, waiting and ready to welcome you.. I hope you also do.. Kung sa tingin mo ginagawa ko to dahil galit ka na sa akin at nasaktan ako sa sinabi mo sa letter, don't worry, even the before the day I read that letter, I was sorry.. Mula sa simula pa lang, nagsisi na ako.. Natatakot lang ako na mawala ang friendship.. Na nangyari na ngayon, thanks for that letter, it made me understand and reflect on myself..

Hindi ko man masabi ang nararamdaman ko talaga, hindi man maipakita sa'yo.. I will be sad, of that goodbye.. For you it might not hurt.. But for me, .. I am ready to take suffering, kung masyado rin maarteng pakinggan para sayo.. I wont make any comments, I wont judge any word that comes out of your mouth, though how much it hurts.. Kahit pa mabigat na sa pakiramdam, kung gusto mong mag-goodbye, okay lang, because I know not all people stays and be with me all the time.. Hindi naman ako selfish to make you stay with me forever.. There are just some circumstances that affects our friendship, and can no longer hold.. but still I wish happiness for you and success(walang plastic sa sinasabi ko). But, of course, it will be your judgement.. I never really thought of this.. But, still I still love you as my bestbud.. Kahit na hindi tayo nagkakaintindihan, at kahit hindi mo alam na naiintindihan pala kita.. Its okay!

Well, I guess my blog ends here, please comment lang po kau.. This letter is for my bestbud.. Salamat poh!

Paalam

This morning, I had a very nice day, I entered the room unknowingly what lies ahead.. Well, didn't really like this to happen.. I didn't expected this to be like this.. A friend told me that she has read this letter, made by my other classmate, I guess.. When that classmate of mine went in I went near her and asked her something, she gave me a piece of paper, this paper is from a notebook, and I am really familiar of the penmanship.. I can't be wrong! Well, it is a poem, entitled "Paalam".. Didn't like what's in there.. It seems like anger is inside that letter, I really prayed that I didn't read that letter..(I wanna cry) Well, it doesn't say literally but I guess that letter is really meant for me.. I have been harsh to one of my classmates because I am expecting that pissing him off will help.. I didn't notice that he's changed and the way we treat each other now is too different, now.. Maybe, he thinks that he's being thrown away by me.. But! It's wrong! Indeed a wrong thing, I was just trying to treat him the way I treated him when we were more close.. Maybe, now, he is not just the way he is.. He's deeply mad at me I guess, I can't take this, we didn't talked a bit, and I am feeling so terrible! Now, I am sad, pissing him off, like what I did in the old days is now like, making him mad at me.. He doesn't understand me anymore.. Is it really like that?

Maybe he's thinking that I never experienced being left alone, he thinks that I never was sad.. He thinks that I was never hurt.. But, the truth is that, I am being hated.. I have nothing more to do.. "Iba na ang turing niya sa akin", I guess it is goodbye to him.. But, I won't give him up! "Ayokong dayain ang sarili ko".. The truth is, I am quite going away from him this past few weeks, I am so shy, and I don't want to replay what had happened to me.. To fall and be trapped in the same spot..

If maybe you'd had the time of reading this, "I am very sorry, if you feel that you are left alone, me, myself I feel terrible because I can't even get to speak to you the way we did in the old times.. Me myself I want to go back to the time, 'pero i can't" I would just be hurt.." Now, you have your new life, you are now known by everybody, and everybody needs you, but, I know your time is just given to only one person, and that is the girl you love.. And I wish you for all your happiness.." "Sana lang naiintindihan mo ang sinasabi ko.. Salamat talaga for all you did to me.. And I know sorry is not just enough.."